self care

this week, self care looks like icing, elevating, and epsom salt soaking a sore hamstring, but more importantly, it looks like naming and examining the patterns i’ve internalized, and digging up the roots of those weeds so they stop causing harm. the self care looks like recognizing that a pattern i have is around feeling like i always have to prove myself, and prove my worth, and that i have to perform to please others, and that i need to do that to be exceptional. and that i have to be exceptional by these standards that someone else set. these standards that serve white supremacy, eurocentricity, heteropatriarchy, ableism, and extractive, manipulative capitalism.

this week’s self care is guided by change and freedom. recentering on the fact that the only lasting truth is change, as Octavia Butler wrote in the Earthseed verses. committing to the ongoing work of freeing myself from the toxic behaviors and beliefs that ever pervades the way we think about ourselves, one another, and the world of which we are just a part.

and now i work back towards greater balance. i commit to detangling myself from what i think i need to be in order to be worth it, or worth something, from the understanding that i am exactly where i need to be, and have nothing to prove. i commit to honoring and learning from the inner wisdom of my bodies of all subtleties, as i make my way back to myself.

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“The mind has an idea, perhaps pleasurable, and it wants to be like that idea, which is a projection of your desire. You are this, which you do not like, and you want to become that, which you like. The ideal is a self-projection; the opposite is an extension of what is; it is not the opposite at all, but a continuity of what is, perhaps somewhat modified. The projection is self-willed, and conflict is the struggle towards the projection. You are struggling to become something, and that something is part of yourself. The ideal is your own projection. See how the mind has played a trick upon itself. You are struggling after words, pursuing your own projection, your own shadow. You are violent, and you are struggling to become nonviolent, the ideal; but the ideal is a projection of what is, only under a different name.” – J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

grounding within

i pulled the following oracle cards on 04 january 2018:

20180106_095755.jpginner voice: when i listen to my inner voice, i feel less anxious or worried or afraid of what might happen, or of what others might think. i feel more grounded and rooted in myself and in the universe and feel a gentle calm that everything is going to be okay.

earth: mother earth has my feet, has my back. i need to tread mother earth lightly. i am guided and strengthened by the feminine power of mother earth. she is nurturing, kind, loving, and always giving, even when people mistreat or misuse her. i come from earth and i return to earth.

the beginning: recovery is a long term project. every breath is a new beginning. every morning is a new beginning. reflection is a time for new beginnings. we are constantly growing, regenerating our cells. the universe is forever expanding. the new year is another new beginning, but it’s not the only new beginning.